healing simplicities

You guys I am so sorry! (Speaking to the spiders and the skeleton in the corner)

Okay, so finals are over, rain is falling, and I cut my hair again! Also, I'm going to Sri Lanka on Tuesday. Hooray.

I want to wash my hair before people come over.

I want to listen to music.

I want to wash my hair.

I want to listen to music.

I can't wash my hair in my room.

I can't listen to music in the bathroom.

Ekkkk.

So this guy my parents know got fired. He was a photographer for Adnoc for 21 years. And now he has gone back to Sri Lanka, and his wife and daughter moved into a sublet room and they're not allowed to cook. So they are coming over for lunch, and my mum's making Chinese and I am happy! But I should wash my hair, because its all lank and gross. But I am so happy sitting here with music.

Ekkkk.

I don't want to do anything. I'm going to fail bio in about 4 and a half hours, and then I'll come home and do nothing, and then I'll go out and break my feet, and come home again and take a shower and eat. I'm tired of eating.

A bajillion years ago, Sharon and I listened to Naive by the Kooks.

Which is not really too often these past couple of years.

Another thing I don't do too often anymore is write, and I did start on a story about a dying lady. Then I was talking to my mum, and I realised I don't know the first thing about life, forget the second, and definitely forget anything about death.

My mum is soft. ^_^

Anyhow.

I dreamt of a man, with deep wooden skin, an oval head, and round eyes that seemed to pop out when he tried not to die. He lived in an airy gorgeous house, and we ran upstairs to save him three times. There were two women with me, big and round and beautiful. They were careless. I thought of them as Diane and Margaret, though it would be rather ridiculous for them to have names like that. Diane had streams of waving black hair, pulled up from her face and cascading down her back. The staircase was steep, and I'd always pass her on the way up, she'd never take off her heels. I believe Diane was the man's lover. Margaret I never saw, she was always behind me. These two would natter on while I would steel myself for finding a corpse.

I did not know the man, nor do I think I knew Diane. I was rather afraid of him, alive and dead - he was important and serious. At the top of the staircase was a large window, always open, with the flimsiest curtains in a cool blueish white. The steps were just cement, and to the right were double doors. I burst through them three times, against that feeling of horror (accusing white skies and vindy consuming coats much?) into a room with a treacherous floor of wooden bars and empty gaps. A room with a ceiling so high up, I didn't notice it till I hung my head back the next moment. For in the low, deep bed, wrapped up in the sheets as if in a shroud was the man. Diane gathered him up, shroud and all, and took him away, while I gasped against the cold cold wall, trying to understand the ceiling.

The second time, Margaret was afraid. She wouldn't come up the stairs. Diane tried to coax her, she wouldn't go without her, and I went without both of them, my heart beating strong and screaming for time for a man I was afraid of. A man I was afraid for. I burst into that room again, and my stomach fell on finding nothing. The bed was empty, the sheets curled shell-like in the corner. The window here was open as well. the room was cool and white and calm. And I was terrified. There were double doors leading off from the left, and yes, I burst through them as well. This was a pearly bathroom- just a bath and a window. The bath was screened by a creamy satin curtain that pooled onto the floor - the window was bare. I did not want to find him there, I did not, and I didn't. Just shadows on the cold curves of that painfully elegant bath. When I turned, he was outside the window, and my stomach fell a bit further. I went back into the room, to the window, leaned out. He didn't look at me, but rather at the inky blackness that is the edge of my dreams. I've drowned trying to get out. I stepped out into what I assume was a gutter - a sharp piece and a puddle of freezing water and debris. I moved to the opposite side of the window, and he wouldn't look at me. I was scared, and I didn't know what to do, and I had no shoes, so that is what I said. I have no shoes. He sighed, moved back to the window, and dropped himself into the room in a fluid motion. I held the rough surface of the outer wall, fearing for myself now. He was talking to those women, they were talking in their superior voices, and each of his words bloomed as if he'd cultivated them from seeds on the air.

A fact that I can't really fit in anywhere, because I didn't notice it specifically, it is just a fact. He was always wearing a black t shirt and trousers.

The third time I was besides Margaret. She had a blue silky dress, and Diane was in red up ahead. This time I dared to tell her to take her shoes off. The woman laughed, and as usual, I passed her and burst into the room. Again it was empty, the window and doors shut, and Diane laughed again. She laughed like glasses breaking, and sat on the bed. I suppose she thought he'd walk out from the closets or someplace, and I was afraid he wouldn't. Again I burst into the bathroom, and there was watercolour red spreading across that pristine curtain. I knew he was in there and I didn't want to find him there and I couldn't speak, so I swallowed the rocks in my throat and pulled back the curtain. There was no water in the bath, which was odd considering the nature of the stain. He turned his head slightly, and his arms were covered in blood. I pulled one of them out, and there was no wound, just blood, blood everywhere, and looking at him I saw that his tshirt was soaked and I realised he had slashed his stomach. The wall behind him curved over him, and he reached up and left a bloody handprint on the perfect beautiful wall of his perfect beautiful house. I immediately put another one besides it, and he turned and looked at me with his eyes straining and I did not want him to die. I held his head, and he strained to look at me upside down and I closed my eyes and told him about a friend of mine that I'd had to save three times because I was upset and confused and I'd forgotten it was him I was talking about. My hands grew warm about his head and then I was holding nothing, and when I opened my eyes again, I was in Coullioure and my mother was there and I asked, "his stomach?" and she said, oh, Loki is fine, and indeed he was there running besides the sea and annoying an old woman trying to sell souvenirs. So I went on to have the usual disjointed dreams that I have, which I can never really remember, but there was a play and Sharon and I were in it, and also there was a horse.

ARGH.

(Is a noise I will use because although I know many words, they do not express what the sound does.)

I prefer to listen to etudes than to pass physics?

it is not natural to try and cram all sorts of information into our heads WHY are we doing this?

anyone know of anyone looking for an apprentice? I think that sort of education would suit me better?

So, on the 26th, when I will collapse after finals and try to remember how to live, some ACS-ans are going to prepare for their TRIP TO LONDON to watch THEATRE why why why why why why why why why.

this is distressing.

Noooooo..!

So I finished my mechanics notes, and I just need to make sure that I know what they contain. Which just leaves the electricity for me to be done with physics. I don't want to do electricity, but that is what I need to do! and I need to persevere!

Also no one is used to me studying and keeps bothering me! and I took a really long nap which I did not mean to do!

Then my sister said I look cool when I study, because I'm squatting in the chair "like I'm trying to fit in an egg" and the hat is awesome.

Dudes I am going insane! Also I feel I will fail everything except English and Statistics! Also Marc told Mr Tabbara that he would just copy tomorrow's weekly off of me and that made me sad. As did everyone flocking about me during the SAT. I don't know /more/ anymore. Which is a shame.

So my sister has made camp on my floor, so she can do her homework, listen to music with me, and ask me questions. So I just took a look at what she had being doing.. "Digestion is the breaking down from your mouth to your anus."

Best motivation would be to show Shamma my notes.

Am I proud?! Mmh! Vindhya, I'm not relaxed. I'm going to die. Tell me about your cat! This girl, does she always talk about her cat? Talk also, about disgusting cats. And you and Kristy, were you normal?!

I rather miss Kristy, but more so Ria, especially when writing essays during school and when no one is willing to make up physics with me. Come on people, TIME TRAINS not that I remember what they are! Kristy is in a better place now, though, and Ria's coming back on the 26th, and we can do the wedding dance and have tea parties and have debates that I can end with looks!

I hate looming holidays. Atleast the January and Easter holidays I get don't exactly correspond with my sister's. Plans Plans and Moar Plans and I have no say in them oh well.

Who just makes me ridiculously happy.

I got a fedora/trilby/not quite sure exactly for NO GOOD REASON!!! :DDD

nor are a lot of other things, but oh well.

Shereen left school mid-day, and missed Jaber telling everyone that she loves me, and also the first physics lab where I actually knew what we were doing. Srsly, Pravi and Radhika were kinda lost as we are usually lost, but for once I knew what to do! And everyone else was making stuff up which meant their parallelograms did not prove Newtons First I am so happy except not really because my externals are going to kill me.

So, I spent five hours in the detention room doing the SAT. Okay.

Thoughts on the SAT: Maths is so logical and easy and lovely. English is so tiring.

Also everyone was trying to get answers off me during the breaks and they were forming crowds around me and I did not want to be part of this!

I think I did okay, only I ended my essay in the middle of a sentence. But I put a Faraday quote in the middle of it! Yes we love wikipedia and physics.