healing simplicities

So Noor picked me up from the big yellow skip outside my gate, and took me to Shereen's and we went and had sandwiches and ice cream!

(so far)

:'(

It is just not fair.

So three years ago, I was so looking forward to grade twelve, with the cafeteria and gate passes and lack of AMSs and such forth. And now it's all no cafeteria go detention room, and "not now" for gate passes, and here HAVE A MILLION HOMEWORK EXAMS HAVE THREE IN ONE SESSION.

-sigh-

Homework exams are idiotic. I'd do normal homework properly, I swear. I mean, I did before, didn't I? I loved getting homework, because I felt I'd done something instead of the usual ignoring the fact that I even attend school. It's idiotic that the answers are on the internet. It's idiotic that everyone just copies those answers to show any teacher that still bothers to assign the questions as homework. It's idiotic having so many exams, I mean I don't even care anymore. Exams are meaningless. I don't see the point in solving 20something physics questions. So I don't, and I draw monsters on my scratch paper instead. Who cares? Nobody. Especially not Mr Poyo.

So I've noticed I have a serious issue with physics homework, I mean last year it was the low point of week, and then I had MATHS after it and Mr Nabiel would say things like "shebab."

Also we don't have microscopes in the bio lab? Here have three pages of questions based on your observations on what you didn't see through the microscope you don't have?

And what is up with not having free periods? What is up with sit individually in the detention room and study and don't make a noise and sit properly? I don't want to sit properly! It hurts to sit properly! And I don't see why I should have to, seeing as I'm not in a class, and as such I don't see how my posture is a problem. It's not like I'm being disrespectful to a teacher or anything, because at a stretch I can understand that. I WANT TO EAT DURING FREE DAMNIT. I want to eat and listen to music and talk to people like I could do before.

I want a divorce.

and this needs to be noted!

And everyone must listen to a song called "This is the Dream of Win and Regine" by a loser named Owen Pallett who called his band Final Fantasy and therefore sucks for life.

Except not really, he's epic.

So I deleted a comment. Why, you ask? hmm.. because I don't have a penis?

Yeah, that makes sense.

So, um, I can explain my absence.

I...got a new video game? Two of them, actually. Been busy playing Dissidia Final Fantasy and Batman Arkam Asylum.

And I would rant forever about Dissidia, but no one cares.

So now that this blog isn't completely mine and unseen anymore, I feel kinda odd to put up posts about things that are really bothering me. However, right now I really have no other choice but to just stew in myself, so I shall try and get things out.

When I go to bed each night knowing that in a while I will have to live through the same thing again and then some, is it any wonder that I don't want to get up in the morning?

Seriously, I just want to be alone, with no one stealing things or using things up or moving things or moving me, where everything is my fault, and perhaps I can have some small semblance of control.

And if I'm cold its because I'm cold, not because I am refused blankets. And there will be no violent 12 year old trying to hurt me so she can get her way.

Your life is over, perhaps, but mine has not even begun.

That isn't really the point, but W.

something pretty.

playing monopoly with my dad is perhaps interesting, to the new-comer. but mostly it is a lot of manupilation and behaviour that I don't condone. and misery for all parties not affilated with him.

Monopoly can be fun, I've had wonderful games with Shanya or her brother and people from /there/ but with my dad it's just gross and I refuse to play. Though I'm still forced to be banker and sit it out, so out comes the commentary.

"You'll see, I'll bankrupt you all"

"Vendetta?"

"yes! Vendetta! When I offer you deals you should know to take them instead of... "

"Y'know, you're a great role model"

At which point my mum bursts out laughing and sends me off to do something, which in tonight's case was "go brown the fish." And I was doing quite well at browning the fish, when a certain Raja-who-cut-the-fish-up-when-explicitly-told-not-to-because-he-wants-to-feel-important-and-doesn't-like-us-cooking comes and tells me it is burning, and opens the oven and tells me it's burning. So he received my no-idea-what-you-are-saying-I-speak-English face and smiled and said no. And that fish is fine.

Also my grandmother is still crazy, but not in the threatening, potato stealing, newspaper throwing way, but rather the constant speaking in rhyme and behaving like a six year old way. And considering that in November last year we hid all the kitchen knives in the oven, I'd say this is a good thing. Except she wants me to be a lawyer, like everyone else.

A good point I found today: You don't really want me to be a lawyer, you'll stop winning.

And she being my grandmother also says I talk too fast like I am some major white person, and she says that over and over and I am tired of apologising. Though I suppose I do talk a bit fast with my sister... it's like tennis!

Tennis--->Dhillon and Shanya--->Hammocks---->Hammocks are awesome.

This post is rather idiotic, but I know I will enjoy reading it later.
Sorry, folk(z?).

You don't love me!

So My Sister Has The TV On and I Want To Cry.

Except not really.

I'm hungry.

There is stuff to write about, but I'm not in a mood.

I'm hungry.

is what I shall be doing on thursday night, and again in December-times. Though I'd much rather wait out the winter.

There are flamingoes near Musaffah, breeding and all. It's so wierd yet adorable that flamingoes have chicks.

School Updates for Shereen:

Clauda's essay has the line "and getting to boss people about is a bonus" which I don't think is something she'd want AUB to know.

Mr Bassem was all "WHERE IS SHE" again, and today we actually learned stuff, but I was busy making a flag.

Marianne brought an Ikea tin, and a mini basketball to show symmetry, and I believe I like her though at times she makes no sense and at times she is creepy and at times she almost runs me over when I'm walking to school.

History is awesome, and I have no idea why I am in S.

Roger beat Noor because the game had to finish.

We did chromatography in chem lab, and it was very cute- the component trails looked like little ion flames and I got to keep the filter paper.

Things that I wish to add:

Sheroze still has the paper hat I made in physics last year.

I miss Ria and psuedo-science.

Dude, I can just talk to people, instead of being surprised..

I have to write the second draft of an essay I don't have a first draft of, but I think I shall go to bed and listen to music and pretend to be asleep. It's not like anyone reads the essays anyway. BUNS OF STEEL AND CARAMEL.

Hurrah for nostalgia and theoretical honourary PHDs.

(Now that I think of it that was perhaps the same essay...)

Today was allright though Shereen was not about and I have like, no friends. Basically I went through school, watched Noor and Roger play chess in the first free, with a lot of unhelpful contributions, and chatted with Ibrahim Refaei during the second one.

Something else that happened in school today, was that we learned Einestine's law in chemistry. E=mc^2. Someone ought to call Einstein's record label.

Also I weighed everything I was carrying about school today, which came to 15 kilograms. And today I don't have bio, and I've not even got the University Physics book.

And my average is now MISSING.

And all I have to talk about is school.

And I can't remember the Not-Anymore-China-Sea plan. or what what going to happen to The Ukraine. or why we'd have to buy and sell our ages. or the big building with the sliding roads. or what my ringtone sounds like.

I can easily fix that last one, actually.

SO I DON'T HAVE SWINE FLU.

But I do have a very bad seasonal virus according to my father's obnoxious cardiologist friend. The reason he is so obnoxious is that he always speaks to me in Egyptian-Arabic, so I don't understand anything. In fact, I was sulking in his office dying of back pain and a horrible dry cough and all he could do was give me a mini History lesson. I, of course, just nodded and didn't understand ANYTHING.

I am on bed rest for two days. Hopefully I'll be able to go back to school on Wednesday! Things aren't looking too awesome because HELLO my fever is like 39C half the time. It's fluctuating nature is creeping me out.

Also, I lost my voice.

Life sucks. ;A;

So I was walking my way out in that place between the door to the Grade 8 Corridor and Mr Ziad's office, when I spy a certain Mistah Oh and Harish. And I decided to go over there, because wasting time after school is something I have enjoyed doing since those days I didn't go for reteach, and rather chilled with Emma and whoever else was about.

Harish: You look depressed.

Mr Omar: Nah, she always looks like that.

(here I tried to put my bio book on my head so I could wave at him with both hands, but I failed.)

What's up?

Me: Physics Lab is..

(I trailed off, but perhaps my eyes were "speaking" as they do to Jaber)

Mr O: Naaaah, don't say that!

(Harish was talking to someone on the 2nd floor through the hole, and that guy went "whut?")

Mr O: (to upstairs) Your Daddy's in the admin! (to me) Move, we're locking up.

Me: (with book on my head again) I don't want to go home.. I want to be home...

Mr O: Poor baby, c'mon, out.

So out we walked past the bio lab where Babu was doing something, so obviously nothing was going to be locked, but out we went.

Mr O: Take care!

Me: You too sir, see you.

and that was the high point of today.

In other news, my idiot graph from last weeks lab didn't cause me to fail, though everyone else in the group got 19s and I didn't.

Yeah Shu, that includes you.

Wonder what damage my idiot graph from today did..

so I look around, and I'm in 12th grade. This is the top. This. These people about me are it, and I'm part of it as well. And it's just retarded, the simplest things set me off remembering things that happened years ago like the law of glitter and Luc "falling apart" and racist chess and Mr Henry's DVD and that day I missed two lessons to sit in the cafeteria to talk to/not talk to Goth. And that's just one grouping.

So to quote Franz Ferdinand, I love the sound of you walking away.

Also I am going back to school in like an hour for the iftar. Which should be amusing.. or something. Yearbook profiles were due in today, and I don't think I've spoken to so many different people in a day in my life. Also I feel rather stalkerish, having baby pictures of half of everybody.

I am happy today, and it should be noted. Because it's more /soft/ than shmeganaic.