healing simplicities

So, I spent five hours in the detention room doing the SAT. Okay.

Thoughts on the SAT: Maths is so logical and easy and lovely. English is so tiring.

Also everyone was trying to get answers off me during the breaks and they were forming crowds around me and I did not want to be part of this!

I think I did okay, only I ended my essay in the middle of a sentence. But I put a Faraday quote in the middle of it! Yes we love wikipedia and physics.

The fifth was just fun, mmkay?

oddly enough I only realised it was the 5th of November during Stats, but it seemed so wondefully fitting.

Since I was there and don't need a great lovely description, basically we had a /protest/ and it was retarded and fun and made us happy. Then Jaber called us idiotic and we had the most relaxed lovely english lesson in a long time. And Aya and Lynn were happy during Stats, and I was oddly vocal, considering I usually just am amused to myself.

Then I had two hours of ballet with a SUPREMELY HARDCORE battement frappé variation that I did once more than everybody else because my group was swapped. Which makes like, five times.

Then my dad decided to take us out to see This Is It. I really really like him fresh from Canada. This is because he misses me when he is there and comes back saying "I saw that statue of the family that you would always stop and look at and refuse to move from." And he thinks about me when I was five and spectacularly lovely and happy and adorable where did all that go anyhow he comes back thinking "awwww.. vindyy..."

Part One, that makes me feel disappointed and sad.

So, Noor is not in school, she is away sick, and no one really bothers with me. And thats just.. why do I spend so much time with people who don't even care, and why can't I even rarely be with the people that I really do love? How twisted is that?  What am I supposed to do when I can't find anyone I am comfortable just joining because they all just left me to STUDY MATHS? Not that I have a problem with people studying maths, but a heads-up would've been nice. Oh yeah, we're going to ditch you, find some way to occupy yourself. Rather than that feeling that my stomach has fallen out. Spending half an hour sitting in a window eating oreos and watching various generally male people playing various renditions of various sports while that feeling grows and curls is not fun. And you could've atleast have had the decency to acknowledge that SOMETHING happened, like a "oh where were you", but no. It's equally gut-wrenching to realise that no one waits for me after exams when Noor is not about. Noor who happens to walk out about two people behind me. I don't really think you were waiting for me. And I don't blame you. And I love that girl to bits.

Part Two, that makes me feel insignificant and lost.

Leading off from the lack of life-force that usually hangs about us, we were studying physics because "no one is talking because noor is not here it is like somebody died." Okay, let's do physics. And this is so stupid that I cannot even believe it, but I am not an idiot. I may be failing everything except Statistics, and I don't claim to be in any way proficient at that massive lump of "ehm, what." that is physics but seriously. When I don't understand, there's always a reason for it, and I'm always convincable. And no one knows what they're doing and no one cares because they get the right answer in the end and they can pass the homework exam. Like mechanics matters once the exam is over. It makes me feel so small that I can't ask questions when I notice things and get confused. I want to understand things fully, how else am I supposed to believe them and apply them? Its just sad that when I ask a question, more than one person can argue with me that some complete bullshit is true. And then I come home and do things slowly, and figure out where I was wrong, and their bullshit still isn't true. Do they care? No. Am I proud?

I don't want to go to school.

I don't want to be ignorant.

And I'm taking more wierd medicine and my stomach hurts and I just want to curl up and die. Which means that again, I'm not going to apply myself at all. What's the point?

SO.

I'd say I had a rather brilliant day, and really I did. From the most lovely morning complete with adorable notes from my mother, to a rather unexpected but wonderful conversation with Mr Omar afterschool. Yeah, today was great, and the only things that could've made it perfect are snow and Noor. Noor is sick, unfortunately.

Really, I am keeping this blog for my own sakes, but yeah..

So after a rather painful bout of coughing during Statistics, I have officially lost my voice.  If you are Luc or Shehan or Maria which you are not, you'd be able to recall how I sounded during the last week of my month and a half cough of two years ago. Only worse and with more pain and less coughing to supress.

I should've stayed home today..

Well, today has been quite rather awesome, I slept in till 9 45, and had breakfast and a pill, then sat next to the front door with the cat for a couple of hours. Then I went back to bed and had a nap I suppose, basically the time passed I'm not too sure how. Then I had lunch which was fajitas and two pills and milk, and helped my mum make lunch for my sister, and then I returned to my room to listen to music.

Music sounds more human, somehow. Perhaps it is the computer, or perhaps I'm looking at things differently. Either way, I am looking at things differently- I was reading the picturesforsadchildren archives, and a lot of things I found amusing just seem sad and ironic now.

Anyhow I've been cleaning up my room a bit, because I'm feeling better - just coughing now, is all thats wrong, I actually haven't felt really terrible since school on Thursday.

On an  unrelated note I think I should spend less time with my mother, because SHE KNOWS WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.

Dear HAAD I am staying in bed from school with a cough and sore throat PLEASE leave me alone I can't even read arabic.

Fridays are usually days for organising and resetting, so I don't really bother for the rest of the week. Anyhow, today is Friday, and I slept till Eleven, and got out of bed at Twelve. This is partially because I am sick, and partially because I slept so well. I slept so well. ^_^

As for being sick, I was feeling nauseous at school yesterday, and according to the back of Shereen's hand, had a fever. The nurse wouldn't let me go home, because "special today, there is a barty, right?" I spent most of the day being rather spaced out, though we did find a corner to play DS and listen to music, so that was nice even though NOOR TOTALLY DITCHED US.

I got home earlier than expected because Stats was cancelled, and my mum was already over at Shanya's place because she was accompanying Shan's mother to Beyonce. My sister was there too, and my sister was the catalyst in my mum's going. I tried to check my temperature, but instead broke the thermometer, and spent the evening and night trying not to cough, talking to lovely people, talking to lovely idiotic but still lovely people, and trying to understand the cat.

Speaking of lovely idiotic but still lovely people, Michela did go for the Corniche concert, and called me asking where she was supposed to meet me. Since she had told me the day before that she wasn't going, I was obviously not expecting to hear this, but being sick I didn't really feel up to being out of bed.

My mum came home eventually, and told me that I was completely right in not going, that it served her right for going, and that "they are spending so much money, they should buy some brains." She was rather annoyed at my sister, who had apparently been "scooting off" and generally difficult. My mum stayed down with me while I ate a bowl of oatmeal, and then I went back to bed, and eventually fell asleep beautifully. Speaking of oatmeal, all I've eaten in the last 24 hours is 5 bowls of it, a cheese and pesto sandwich, a box of tim tams, and a lot of honey. So my mum is making prawns for lunch because she wants me to eat well. Also I believe there will be salad, and probably some other things, because thats how we eat. I am not really hungry, but prawns are always a very pleasing thought. So are cherry tomatoes.

Anyhow, tomorrow I have to go and inform Mr Peter that I have a make-up in History, because the school didn't notice. And though the idea of toff-ing it is very appealing, I'd probably get screwed over in other ways later if I do. Seeing as the Computer Room hates me, it's probably best to be good.

Oh, and the leak that makes our dining room wall bulge is apparently not fixed, so they're breaking out my parent's bathroom again, and it might not even be a leak from our place, but rather from someone else's portion of the house. This makes my mum sad, but I am going to study History and this will make her happy. She likes it when I apply myself. Also the fact that they are here is why I am not in some hospital being tested for swine flu. Which reminds me of what Shereen said yesterday.

Shuey: Dude, either drink the Dial or go home!!

Me: I'll drink the Dial!

She: You can't it's poisonous GO HOME.

Though they haven't been refilling the Dial dispensers...